He thinks he'll have a little fun with the old rabbi , so he says, "Rabbi, what do you do with the drippings from the candles?"

The rabbi says, "We send them to the candle factory, and every once in a while they send us a free candle."

The kid says, "And what do you do with the crumbs from your table?"

The rabbi says, "We send them to the matzoh ball factory, and every once in a while they send us a free box of matzoh balls."

The kid says, "And what do you do with the foreskins from your circumcisions?"

The rabbi says, "We send them to the IRS, and every once in a while they send us a little prick like you.".

One bill gives cops the right to stop cars and issue citations for not wearing a seat belt. Just what we need. I know the since 911 we're supposed to look on the police as heroes. Well, I'm sorry, but from my experience over the past 20 years, or so, the cops in Geneva and Saint Charles (IL) make Barney Fife look like Joe Friday. These aren't real cops like Chicago, but overpaid school crossing guards. We hear of cops running into a burning building in New York and they ARE heroes. These guys out here won't get out in the rain to direct traffic. This is just anther excuse to extract money from the taxpayers. If there was any real concern about safety they'd get the Hummers and Escalades off the road where the cars are inherent safety risk for others and the drivers, generally, human garbage.

The other bill had to do with the number of people in the car for a certain period after a teenager obtains a license. Probably not a bad idea, actually, but if anyone thinks this crap is founded in safety concerns, I've got the proverbial swamp property for sale. There are so many things more important and these clowns are screwing with this stuff. Remember, the governor's budget depends on hundreds of thousands of tickets. Coincidence?? (I still have the swamp land!)

I thought this new governor would have a hard time looking bad after the departure of the prior moron, George Ryan, but he's sure made a running start.

Total HORSE STOB!

I saw in the paper yesterday the the Philadelphia Eagles, after a ziillion years, are no longer letting spectators bring food into the stadium - for security reasons.

Some clown was quoted that surely no one thinks they are trying to gouge the public for a few extra concession dollars. Of course not - just like no one thought M. Stewart would take advantage of inside information to make an extra $100,000 when she had a billion. Anyone that thinks this has never been around rich people. They aren't like us with a lot of money - believe me. They are a separate breed, having little to do with the human race.

Just like the Tribune Company putting up a wind screen at Wrigley Field for security reasons, which just happened to block the roof top seats during negotiations - these initial suffixed merchants of misery are without shame or morals.

Total bull stob*.

*My wife is making me clean up my language, so I'm going to use the name of my former boss in lieu of the raunchiest of words. Come to think of it, this makes a lot of sense, actually.

A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ"?
The man replied, "130".
So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, investments, insurance, and so on.
The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool".

Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man responded, "100."
So the robot started talking about the football, baseball and so on.
The man thought to himself, "Wow, this is really cool".

A third guy came in to the bar. As with the others, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man replied, "70".
The robot then said, "So, what's the Democratic Party up to these days?"

His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog. There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a riffied boy screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.

The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved. "I want to repay you," said the nobleman. "You saved my son's life.

"No, I can't accept payment for what I did," the Scottish farmer replied, waving off the offer.

At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel.

"Is that your son?" the nobleman asked.

"Yes," the farmer replied proudly.

"I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy. If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of." And that he did. Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, he graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.

Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia. What saved his life this time? Penicillin.

The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill.

His son's name? Sir Winston Churchill.

Someone once said:

What goes around comes around.

Work like you don't need the money.

Love like you've never been hurt.

Dance like nobody's watching.

Sing like nobody's listening.

Live like it's Heaven on Earth.

It's National Friendship Week. Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND. Pass this on, and brighten someone's day.

AN IRISH FRIENDSHIP WISH: You had better send this back!! Good Luck! I hope it works...

May there always be work for your hands to do;